Written by Tammy Machmali
Do you find it tough to trust your own judgment? Do you hide your true feelings, beliefs, or ideas just to fit in or make others happy? Have you ever downplayed or ignored your emotions because you thought they weren't important?
All of these situations describe something called self-abandonment.
Self-abandonment happens when we don't appreciate ourselves, when we don't do things that are good for us, and when we don't support and comfort ourselves.
Take a moment to think about how many of these instances of self-abandonment seem familiar to you.
Now Have you ever experienced the deep pain of abandonment? The feeling of being left behind, unwanted, or unloved can leave a lasting impact on our lives and shape our sense of self. Healing from abandonment is a journey that requires courage, self-reflection, and self-compassion. I walked feeling these feelings for more than 4 decades until I decided to stop feeling this way because I was ready to live a full life.
“The place of true belonging, it’s the bravest and most sacred place you’ll stand.”
Understanding the Impact of Abandonment:
How can abandonment occur?
Abandonment can occur in various forms, such as the loss of a loved one, parental neglect, or the end of a significant relationship. Here is a list illustrating different forms of abandonment:
Divorce or Separation: The dissolution of a marriage or a significant romantic relationship can be a profound form of abandonment, leading to feelings of rejection and a shattered sense of security.
Childhood Trauma: Experiencing traumatic events during childhood, such as physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, can create a profound sense of abandonment. The betrayal of trust by caregivers can have lasting effects on one's ability to form healthy relationships.
Emotional Unavailability of Caregivers: Growing up with caregivers who are emotionally distant, preoccupied, or unable to provide consistent emotional support can result in a deep-seated fear of abandonment and difficulties forming emotional connections.
Loss of a Friend: The end of a long-term friendship, especially if it happens abruptly or without clear communication, can trigger feelings of abandonment and a sense of being left alone to navigate life.
Workplace Changes: Sudden changes in the workplace, such as being laid off, demoted, or experiencing a hostile work environment, can evoke feelings of abandonment and impact one's self-esteem and sense of stability.
Rejection in Social Groups: Experiencing rejection or exclusion within social groups, whether in school, community organizations, or online communities, can lead to feelings of abandonment and unworthiness.
Parental Emotional Unavailability: Even when physical presence is consistent, if parents are emotionally unavailable or dismissive of a child's feelings and needs, it can result in a sense of emotional abandonment and difficulty forming secure emotional bonds.
Loss of a Pet: For some individuals, the death or loss of a beloved pet can evoke feelings of abandonment, especially if the pet served as a source of companionship and unconditional love.
Cultural or Identity Rejection: Feeling rejected or isolated due to differences in cultural background, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or gender identity can lead to a sense of abandonment and impact one's self-worth.
Abandonment in Care Facilities: Individuals placed in care facilities, such as nursing homes or assisted living, may experience feelings of abandonment if there is a lack of emotional connection or if their needs are not adequately met.
Understanding these various forms of abandonment is crucial for recognizing the diversity of experiences that can contribute to feelings of emptiness, unworthiness, and the subsequent challenges in forming and maintaining healthy relationships.
These experiences can leave us feeling deeply wounded, with a sense of emptiness and unworthiness. The impact of abandonment can manifest in different ways, including low self-esteem, fear of intimacy, trust issues, and difficulties forming secure attachments.
Recognizing the Signs of Abandonment:
Identifying whether you have been affected by abandonment can be a crucial step in your healing journey. Some common signs and symptoms of abandonment issues include:
Fear of Rejection: Constantly seeking validation and approval from others, fearing rejection or abandonment in relationships.
Difficulty Trusting: Struggling to trust others, expecting to be betrayed or abandoned.
Fear of Intimacy: Difficulty forming deep, meaningful connections with others due to a fear of vulnerability and potential abandonment.
Low Self-Esteem: Feeling unworthy or not deserving of love and support, often stemming from feelings of abandonment.
Emotional Instability: Experiencing intense mood swings, anxiety, hopelessness or depression related to feelings of abandonment.
Self-Sabotaging Behaviors: Engaging in behaviors that push others away or sabotaging relationships out of fear of abandonment.
Avoidance: Avoiding close relationships or becoming emotionally distant to protect oneself from potential abandonment.
Understanding how abandonment starts and how it affects you is an essential part of the healing process. By recognizing these signs, you can take the necessary steps towards healing and self-acceptance.
How to stop abandoning yourself
Stopping self-abandonment is an important aspect of self-care and building a healthy relationship with oneself. Here's a step-by-step guide to help you stop abandoning yourself:
Self-awareness: Acknowledge and identify when you are abandoning yourself. This might manifest as neglecting your needs, ignoring your emotions, or dismissing your own values.
Mindfulness and Reflection: Practice mindfulness to become aware of your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Take time to reflect on your behaviors and choices, especially those that might be self-abandoning.
Positive Affirmations: Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations. Remind yourself of your worth, strengths, and the importance of taking care of yourself.
Identify Triggers: Determine the situations or triggers that lead to self-abandonment. Recognize patterns and understand what makes you neglect your own well-being.
Self-Compassion: Develop a compassionate attitude towards yourself. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend facing a similar situation.
Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries to protect your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Learn to say no when necessary and communicate your limits to others.
Connect with Emotions: Allow yourself to experience and express your emotions. Understand that emotions are a natural part of being human, and suppressing them can contribute to self-abandonment.
Values Clarification: Identify your core values and principles. Ensure that your actions align with these values, as neglecting them can lead to feelings of self-betrayal.
Self-Care Routine: Develop a consistent self-care routine that includes activities that nourish your body, mind, and soul. This could include exercise, meditation, hobbies, or spending time with loved ones.
Seek Support from a community of people that you can trust and feel safe with. :Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for support and guidance. Having a support system can provide perspective and encouragement as you work on stopping self-abandonment.
Learn from Mistakes: Instead of being overly critical, view mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning. Use them as a chance to understand yourself better and make positive changes.
Remember that breaking habits and patterns takes time and patience. Be gentle with yourself throughout this process, and celebrate the progress you make along the way.
Embracing Self-Acceptance:
One of the most powerful tools in healing from abandonment is embracing self-acceptance. It involves acknowledging that the past events were real and had an impact on who you are today. Self-acceptance means recognizing that you are worthy of love and belonging, despite the experiences of abandonment. It is about embracing your true self, with all your strengths, vulnerabilities, and imperfections.
Healing from abandonment is a courageous and transformative journey. By acknowledging the impact of abandonment, recognizing the signs, embracing self-acceptance, and taking practical steps towards healing, we can reclaim our sense of self-worth, rebuild trust, and cultivate healthy relationships. It took me years to learn how to deal with the hole of abandonment and value myself. Today, I understand that the past events did affect who I am, but they do not define me. I have learned to embrace my true self, with all the complexities and beauty that comes with it.
Remember, healing is a personal and unique journey. Be patient and gentle with yourself as you navigate the healing process. Embrace the power within you to heal, grow, and thrive. By nurturing self-acceptance, seeking support, and practicing self-compassion, you can break free from the chains of abandonment and create a future filled with love, connection, and self-empowerment.
If you like to continue reading you are welcome to check Embracing a Higher Power: Unlocking the Path to Success and Healing or other blogs.
And if you need help and have questions, feel free to send me a message and connect with me.
Sending you all the love and light on your healing journey!
If you're curious to dive deeper into these strategies or share your thoughts, reach out to me contact. Let's make 2024 a year of unconditional love, courage and success, advancing toward your vision and goals one action at a time.
I'd love to help you get started: To assist you on this journey, I've prepared a Free workbook on 26 Ways to Release Mental & Emotional Baggage In Less Than 5 Minutes A day. Or if you like to join Baggage Be-Gone Bootcamp here the link
Wishing you a day filled with small steps towards a healthier, happier you!
Stay connected for more content and updates by following me on Instagram @tammymachmali
