Written by Tammy Machmali
Ever felt that heavy cloud of shame hanging over you, making you question your worthiness and pushing you to hide your true self? Well, you're not alone. Let's explore the world of shame, what it is, why we do it to ourselves, and why it's not good for us.
Let's learn from the wise Brené Brown, who has deep insights into shame through her research and books. We'll explore her book, "The Gifts of Imperfection," and discover simple steps to heal from feeling bad about ourselves when shame strikes. So, get cozy with a cup of tea, and let's begin our learning journey.
Shame is a heavy feeling that makes us feel flawed or like we don't measure up. It's that inner voice telling us we're not good enough, and it can make us want to hide or pretend to be someone else. But why do we do this to ourselves?
Brené Brown, a researcher who focuses on shame and feelings, tells us that shame is a universal experience we all share and feel sometimes. It's like worrying that if others truly knew us, they might not like or accept us. It's a fear of being left out, thinking that we're not good enough or don't deserve to be close to others. So, we all go through it – feeling like we're not quite right or worthy of connecting with people.
And the reason Shame isn't good for us is because it can lead to a range of negative emotions like anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem . It can affect our relationships, hinder our personal growth, and prevent us from living authentically.
“The place of true belonging, it’s the bravest and most sacred place you’ll stand.”
You know that feeling when shame hits, and suddenly, you can't say or do the things you had planned?
The good news is that Brown's research also provides insights into how we can heal from shame.
I found In her book "The Gifts of Imperfection," a few steps to help us break free from shame:
Notice Shame: First, notice when you're feeling ashamed. Pay attention to how your body and emotions react – like a funny feeling in your stomach or feeling like you're not worth much.
Talk About It: Shame doesn't like to be talked about. Share your feelings with someone you trust – a friend, family member, or therapist. Talking about it takes away some of the power shame has over you.
Be Kind to Yourself: Treat yourself nicely. Remember, everyone makes mistakes or has things they're not proud of. You still deserve love and acceptance.
Question Negative Thoughts: Challenge the bad thoughts that shame gives you. Are they really true, or is shame making things seem worse than they are? Fight back with positive thoughts.
Understand Others: Everyone feels shame sometimes. Try to understand and feel for yourself and others. We're all human and have our flaws.
Set Rules: Make clear rules in your relationships to protect yourself from things that make you feel ashamed. Say what you need and don't be afraid to say no when you have to.
Be Brave: Instead of thinking being open is a weakness, see it as a kind of power. It takes a lot of bravery to be yourself and share that with others.
Avoid Comparisons: Don't compare yourself to others. It's easy to look at what other people have or do and feel like you're not measuring up.
So, remember not to look at others and think they're doing better or are better than you. Each person is on their own path, facing their own struggles. Comparing yourself can make you feel worse and add unnecessary shame. Instead, focus on your journey and celebrate your progress and what makes you unique.
Now, The healing process. Healing from shame takes time; it's a step-by-step journey. By taking these steps and being patient with yourself, you can slowly break free from the hold of shame and create a life that's more caring and true to yourself. Some days, it might feel like you're taking it one minute at a time, so go easy on yourself. Remember, to heal, you have to let yourself feel it – there are no quick fixes or shortcuts. So, take your time and be kind to yourself along the way.
If you like to continue reading you are welcome to check Embracing a Higher Power: Unlocking the Path to Success and Healing or other blogs.
And if you need help and have questions, feel free to send me a message and connect with me.
Sending you all the love and light on your healing journey!
If you're curious to dive deeper into these strategies or share your thoughts, reach out to me contact. Let's make 2024 a year of unconditional love, courage and success, advancing toward your vision and goals one action at a time.
I'd love to help you get started: To assist you on this journey, I've prepared a Free workbook on 26 Ways to Release Mental & Emotional Baggage In Less Than 5 Minutes A day. Or if you like to join Baggage Be-Gone Bootcamp here the link
Wishing you a day filled with small steps towards a healthier, happier you!
Stay connected for more content and updates by following me on Instagram @tammymachmali
