Written by Tammy Machmali
Have you ever heard the saying, "You are as sick as your secrets"? It’s a phrase often used in support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs. It means that keeping secrets, especially ones filled with guilt or shame, can make us feel really bad inside and affect our mental and emotional well-being, as if you are hoarding baggage.
What Does It Mean?
Think about the last time you kept a secret. Maybe you lied to a friend, did something you regret, or have a hidden fear. Keeping these things inside can make you feel anxious, stressed, and even lonely. It’s like carrying a heavy backpack all the time.
Secrets that can make us feel sick often involve feelings of shame, guilt, or fear of judgment. Here are some common examples:
Cheating: If you're having an affair or cheating on your partner, it can make you feel really bad. You might feel guilty, ashamed, and super stressed about getting caught.
Addiction: Whether it's drinking too much, using drugs, or gambling, keeping it a secret can make you feel lonely and embarrassed. You might lie to your family and friends, which can make you feel even worse.
Money Troubles: If you're spending too much or in debt, it can be hard to admit. Keeping it secret can stress you out and mess up your relationships, especially if it's affecting your family's money too.
Feeling Sad or Scared: If you're feeling really sad, anxious, or scared, it's tough to talk about. You might worry that people will judge you or think you're weak, so you keep it to yourself. But holding it in can make you feel even worse.
Family Stuff: Sometimes families have secrets, like if there's been fighting or someone got hurt. Keeping it hidden can make you feel ashamed or like you don't belong. It's hard to feel close to your family when you're keeping secrets.
Mistakes or Regrets: Maybe you did something you wish you hadn't, like hurting someone's feelings or failing at something important. It's scary to admit you messed up, but hiding it can eat you up inside.
Being Yourself: If you're hiding who you really are because you're scared of what people will think, it's tough. Whether it's your religion, who you like, or how you feel inside, keeping it secret can make you feel like you're not being true to yourself.
Problems at Work: If something's not right at work, like someone's being mean to you or doing something wrong, it can be scary to speak up. You might worry about getting in trouble or losing your job, but keeping quiet can make you feel powerless and stressed.
These are just a few examples, but in general, any secret that creates a significant emotional burden, prevents authentic self-expression, or hinders genuine connection with others has the potential to make us feel sick. Opening up about these secrets and seeking support can be the first step toward healing and greater well-being.
Sara’s Story:
Sarah was always the life of the party. She had lots of friends and seemed really happy. But Sarah had a secret. She was struggling with overspending, so she had lots of debt. She bought things she couldn’t afford to keep up appearances, and the debt kept piling up. She felt ashamed and didn’t feel like she could tell anyone.
Often, Sarah felt more stressed. She started avoiding her friends because she didn’t want them to find out. She felt like she was living a lie and became more and more worried and anxious. The secret was making her sick. Every time we keep a secret, it affects our energy and our well-being as if we are hoarding our emotions.
Understanding the Meaning
The saying "You are as sick as your secrets" suggests that the secrets we keep, especially those involving shame, guilt, or wrongdoing, can negatively impact our mental and emotional health since they affect the way we think and relate to others– as if we store unnecessary baggage. We may feel we are not authentic and real on the outside.
Here's a breakdown of the core concepts:
Emotional Burden: Secrets can create a significant emotional burden. The effort to hide the truth can lead to anxiety, stress, and feelings of isolation.
Guilt and Shame: Keeping secrets often involves feelings of guilt and shame, which can erode self-esteem and lead to further mental health issues.
Disconnection: Secrets can create a barrier between individuals and their loved ones, leading to a sense of disconnection and loneliness, and at times even isolation.
Internal Conflict: Maintaining secrets often requires a person to live a double life or present a false persona, leading to internal conflict and a lack of authenticity.
The Benefits of Letting Go of Secrets
Emotional Relief: Confessing or sharing a secret can provide an immense sense of relief. The act of unburdening oneself from the weight of a secret can reduce stress and anxiety and help the energy to flow in our body easily.
Improved Mental Health: Letting go of secrets can alleviate feelings of guilt and shame, leading to improved self-esteem and overall mental health.
Authenticity: Being open and honest allows individuals to live more authentically, aligning their outward behavior with their inner values and beliefs.
Strengthened Relationships: Sharing secrets can foster deeper, more trusting relationships. Openness can encourage reciprocity and vulnerability, strengthening bonds with loved ones.
Empowerment: Taking control of your life’s narrative and choosing to share your truth can be empowering and freeing. It shifts the power from the secret you hold to promoting a sense of honesty, integrity, and being in charge of your own life.
Letting Go: Practical Steps
Confide in a Trusted Person: Sharing a secret with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can be a powerful first step. Choose someone who is supportive and non-judgmental, and share your truth.
Journaling: Writing about your secrets can be a therapeutic way to process your emotions and begin the journey of letting go. It's magical; try it.
Professional Help: Therapists and counselors are trained to help individuals process and understand their secrets in a safe and confidential environment.
Support Groups: Joining a support group, such as those found in 12-step programs, can provide a community of individuals who understand and share similar experiences.
Self-Compassion: Practicing self-compassion is crucial. Understanding that everyone has secrets and that making mistakes is part of being human can help mitigate feelings of guilt and shame.
The phrase "You are as sick as your secrets" speaks to the profound impact that hidden truths can have on our souls and our connections with others. When we carry secrets, we carry a heavy weight that burdens our hearts and minds, distancing us from our true selves and those we love.
But there is freedom in releasing these burdens. By summoning the courage to share our truths, we open the door to emotional healing and deeper connections. We find relief from the shadows that have clouded our spirits, allowing light to illuminate our path forward.
Yes, letting go of secrets can be daunting, even frightening. But the rewards are immeasurable. In shedding the cloak of secrecy, we rediscover authenticity and reclaim our power. We forge bonds of trust and understanding that strengthen us and enrich our lives.
So, I encourage you to take that first step towards openness. Embrace the journey of self-discovery and vulnerability. You will find that in releasing your secrets, you find yourself lighter, more whole, and at peace. The benefits of living authentically are truly worth the leap of faith. Go ahead, try it, and embrace the freedom that awaits.
And if you need help and have questions, feel free to send me a message and connect with me.
Sending you all the love and light on your healing journey!
If you're curious to dive deeper into these strategies or share your thoughts, reach out to me contact. Let's make 2024 a year of unconditional love, courage and success, advancing toward your vision and goals one action at a time.
I'd love to help you get started: To assist you on this journey, I've prepared a Free workbook on 26 Ways to Release Mental & Emotional Baggage In Less Than 5 Minutes A day. Or if you like to join for more videos my Youtube channel
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Wishing you a day filled with small steps towards a healthier, happier you!
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